Creativity and Anti-Anxiety Drugs

Update on the whole Zoloft scenario:

As I said previously, my Rx meds saved me from losing my job, but they flattened me out creatively. I'm back at the home office, that particular stressor is gone, so I figured it was safe to wean off the med and go find out what is going to be 'normal' for me during my menopause. You have to wean off of these types of meds, or else the ride gets REAL bumpy, just like any form of "Cold Turkey".

Well, I've been on a half dose for about a week and a half and can already tell a big difference. That little 'spark' is back and I feel clearer headed, like I've been thinking and seeing thru a fog for the last year. I'm ramping down to the 1/4 dose for a week and then I'm free of this med!

Long Time, No Talk To!

Okay, so I've been MIA for over a month!

First, I was getting READY for the First Annual DFW ATCsForAll Sleepover...

Then, I was AT the Sleepover!

Then, I was RECOVERING from the Sleepover! LOL!

Sooooo, What did I accomplish? Nadalatta.

I was pretty bummed after I got home. I felt like I'd just taken up space...not really accomplished anything. Then I didn't want to Blog about it because I didn't want ANYONE (and you KNOW who you ARE! LOL!) to think it was THEIR fault or that I was blaming anyone but myself!

While chewing thru the whole process, I wondered why I was ragging on myself for not leading the pack and came to a few hard realizations:

1. Not even keeping up makes me feel OLD...
2. I felt like my creativity was about flatlined for the first half of the time I was there. Even after that, I was only going half-speed.
3. I was jealous of others ping-ponging from one project/technique to the next with gay abandon and cranking out art like nobody's business.
   

Whew! THAT was hard to say!

After stewing about it for another day I had a tiny, mollifying AHA moment...my Zoloft prescription, which handily keeps me from going all Rambo at work and thus losing my gainful employment, also "flattens" my creativity. Like most artists, my mood/creativity swings are a bit more extreme than the run-of-the-mill "normal" types. Up until I hit peri-menopause, I was able to deal with it and really did some amazing work on my up-cycles.

For the most part, that made it worth dealing with the down-cycles. Mostly. Until recently. Then I had to decide which was more important...paying rent or being a creative, vital, HOMELESS artist. It's no big surprise that I went with paying rent.

I really hadn't been creating that much in the last year, so I didn't notice the flattening that much. At the sleepover, I noticed. A lot.

So now I have to answer the question: Where do I draw that line? When do I decide that it's better to have my life a little less level and embrace that roller-coaster ride once again? I'm fortunate that my cycle is not so severe as to require the heavy duty meds, and I have friends who will sit on me if I start acting too loopy (which I never have done, well, yet anyway!).

It's something I have to think about.